A couple of weeks ago, my back decided to give me grief. It’s a fairly common occurrence for me and usually lasts a day or two. It was the kind of pain where every movement made me grimace and suddenly every day things that you normally take for granted need careful planning to minimise the pain.

The spasms that come with Cerebral Palsy are often unpredictable, and moments like this are one of the realities of working with Cerebral Palsy. I knew what I should do.

Rest. Step away from my desk. Give my body time to settle and recover.

But my brain said no. Instead, I sat at my desk trying to convince myself that I’d be fine if I just pushed forward. If I just ticked one more thing off my to-do list. If you’re self employed, you might recognise that unrelenting voice. “Just one more thing…”

There’s no sick pay, no colleagues around to pick up the slack, nobody to tell you to just go home. When it’s just you, that compassion is suddenly harder to unlock. There’s just guilt. Even though my body was crying out for rest, my brain just wouldn’t drop the argument.

I knew if I had been talking to someone else with Cerebral Palsy, I’d be telling them to rest. For as long as it took. But I just couldn’t take my own advice.

The Pressure Disabled People Put on Themselves

People don’t really talk about the pressure that disabled people often put on themselves. Not just to work – but to prove we can work. To prove that we’re capable. To overturn the stereotypes that the media loves to portray. Sometimes that pressure is motivating and it’s played a big part in my story – I’ve pushed myself to build my career, deliver talks and training and run my own business.

But sometimes that pressure is detrimental. Because one of the realities of working with cerebral palsy is that your body doesn’t always co-operate. It says a big fat “No” to working nine to five or finishing that to-do list by Friday afternoon. Cerebral Palsy doesn’t have the good manners to wait until the weekend to flare up. And ignoring it doesn’t end well.

A Realisation During Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month

It feels a little ironic that this realisation landed during Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month. Because awareness goes beyond explaining what CP is. It’s about understanding what living with it actually means.

And sometimes that means recognising that rest isn’t failure. It’s management. It’s taking a step back to minimise the impact. It’s trying to ensure you can keep going tomorrow.

Why Self-Employment Works For Me

Moments like this also remind me why self-employment suits me so well. And it’s not because it’s an easy option – running your own business definitely isn’t easy!

It suits me because it gives me flexibility. To rest when I need to. To play to my strengths. To build work that values lived experience rather than hiding it.

Some days that means delivering school assemblies or running workshops for parents whose children have CP. Other days it means working at home, at my own pace. And occasionally, it means stepping away completely – getting comfortable on the settee and saying “Yes” to rest.

That flexibility isn’t a luxury. For many disabled people like me, it’s what makes work sustainable.

Learning the Lesson I’d Give Others

If I’m honest, I’m still learning this lesson. Even when “resting”, I often can’t resist researching on my phone, writing tomorrow’s to-do list or planning my next session.

But the next time my body says “No” I’m going to try and remember the advice I’d give anyone else with CP:

Rest when you need to. You’re not proving anything by making yourself worse. Taking care of yourself isn’t giving up. It’s helping yourself to keep moving forward.