As a disability trainer and speaker, I spend a lot of time helping others to understand the world through a more inclusive lens. People often ask me what’s the most challenging aspect about having Cerebral Palsy and I have to say, the biggest challenge I face is having a speech impairment.

I understand that my speech is slower than normal and it can be difficult to understand me, particularly for people interacting with me for the first time. I get that it takes time to “tune in” to me but it can be particularly frustrating when people pretend to understand me, rather than simply asking me to repeat myself.

Why pretending hurts more than asking

When someone nods along or gives me a polite smile, I always know. I know they’re not getting it, they haven’t “tuned in” yet. By pretending to understand, they think they’re saving my feelings. But it can feel really dismissive and I feel like what I’ve I said isn’t worth the effort. I’m left feeling irrelevant and ignored and it hurts.

I understand why people may feel awkward or unsure about asking me to repeat myself. They might worry that it’s rude or uncomfortable. But please be assured that I would much rather repeat myself than be misunderstood or ignored.

A real life example 

I recently co-facilitated some inclusion training with some colleagues and without giving it much thought, I volunteered to start the session. As I always do in my training, I encouraged the delegates to stop me if they were having difficulties understanding me and that I’d be very happy to repeat myself. I joked that there was no point pretending – they wouldn’t get it past me!  The feedback from the training specifically highlighted that my approach to the “elephant in the room” had put the delegates at ease and had reassured them about communicating with me,

How you can support someone with a speech impediment

I’ll say it again: it’s OK if you don’t understand but please don’t just nod along and smile. If you’re finding it difficult to communicate with someone who has a speech impediment, here’s some tips that might help:

Be patient.  Give the person time to speak – don’t interrupt or try to finish their sentences.

Politely ask if they can repeat it.  It’s ok to say: “Sorry I didn’t quite catch that – can you say it again?” or “I want to make sure that I’ve understood you – can you repeat that?” Even my closest friends and family occasionally ask me to repeat things and that’s perfectly OK!

Use context clues. Sometimes, understanding comes from listening to the whole conversation, not just one word or sentence.

Offer alternatives. If you’re struggling to understand, you might ask the person if they’d prefer to write it down.  If I’m having difficulty helping someone to understand, I’ll sometimes type it into my phone!

It’s OK – you’re human! Remember it’s OK to make mistakes – what matters is your willingness to connect and communicate with respect.

And please don’t pretend! Pretending just leads to confusion, mistakes and feelings of frustration – on both sides! Just be honest and open to different methods of communication

Inclusion starts with listening

Having a speech impairment doesn’t make someone less intelligent, less capable or less worthy of having their voice heard. It just means communication might look and sound a little different – and that’s okay.

If you’re committed to inclusion, start by listening – not just with your ears, but with your patience, your empathy and your willingness to really understand,